"Every once in awhile life comes rushing out at us from the darkness"

Lately it feels like life has just been a whirlwind of chaos. Trying to make sense of all this got me thinking about how drastically life can change. When we are young, life is simple. We believe what those we love tell us and teach us. Those things and people make us who we are as we grow up. Then we grow up, make plans, and have dreams. We have a picture in our mind of what the future is going to be like, but what happens when the impossible happens? Life sometimes come rushing out at us from the darkness and in the blink of an eye, everything you know can be flipped upside down. Suddenly you don't know who to believe, which direction to turn or what you're going to do. This is where I am and I can't help but keep thinking, how did life get this messed up? How did it end up here? How did it get this far? If we aren't careful the evils of this world sneak up and overtake us. Things that we could never forsee, become reality and it seems impossible that this is the path that your life has taken. But it has and now we must decide to either merely cope or find the courage and strength to fight through it. It doesn't seem fair that we are faced with these things, although life never really has been fair. As time goes on, we learn to make the best of the hand we are dealt. And although it may be painful, the decision to forgive and learn from it may be the one that makes us the better person in the end.

Mothers Day

With Mother's day being tomorrow, I've been thinking about the mothers in my life. I have been blessed with an amazing mom, who is always there for me and would do anything for me.

I'd be lost without her, shes one of my best friends. But along with blessing with a wonderful mom, God gave me many amazing other moms in my life like my awesome aunts, my friends' moms (my other moms), and my pastor and youth pastors' wives. They are always there to make sure I'm okay, look out for me, give me a hug when I need it, or offer advice. They give me a great example to follow. I love them with all my heart and thank God I have them. They will never know the affect they have had in my life, just knowing so many people care about me. They do an awesome job!! So heres a shout out to all the moms out there, you rock and I'd be lost without you. Thanks for all you do!!!

Fatherless

What is a father? A parent, a founder, a leader, a provider, a protector...at least that's what they should be. I've never experienced this type of man in my life, the man I call dad is quite the opposite. Lately I'm noticing theres a lot of people who wouldn't describe a father as that and know exactly how i feel. We are in a sense fatherless since we have never known the concept of an actual father. Some people don't have one while others just got crappy ones. I think the worst pain there is, is when the person who should love you unconditionally, a parent, doesn't. It's a pain that doesn't go away and can't be eased by passing time. I didn't believe there was any comfort for enduring this type of pain. Then i realized we aren't fatherless afterall. I have a father who loves me unconditionally, forgives my failures, and never will walk away from me. He's my provider and my protector. No matter what my earthly father thinks of me, my heavenly father thought I was to die for.

My worst fear

It's funny how what you thought was your biggest fear, the thing you thought would hurt the most..in the end doesn't destroy like you thought. You picture the perfect way you think you want your life to go and when something comes along and threatens to steal that away from you, fretting over preventing it consumes your life. At times we focus on certain things for so long, we are convinced we know what we want, what we need. Although when in reality, yes we want that, but only because we have spent so much time convincing ourselves of it. If we step back and take a long, close look we can begin to see the holes. Sometimes we realize our perfect ending, isnt exactly perfect or that it's ultimately not what we wanted. It seems like lessons like this always have to be learned the hard way. I wasted a year of my life learning that exact lesson. My eyes are just now beginning to open and I had to face what I thought was my biggest fear. My world was completely changed and flipped upside down and to my surprise, I'm okay. I survived, it didn't break me as I thought it did. Actually it made me stronger and its almost a relief to have it over with, to know at the end of the day, life goes on.